If Looks Could Kill: A Tacomic Look at Boe, Campbell, Lonergan's Rear-ending

Ripped from the Headlines of the Tacoma News Tribune
posted Jan 17, 2012
Tacoma, Tacomic, David Boe, Joe Lonergan, Marty Campbell, Crash, Car Accident, Hit and Run
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This begins with a mysterious FRIDAY the 13th anonymous email alerting Tacomic staff to a particular multiple car I-5 traffic accident... it reads thusly: 

"FYI They are trying to keep it from the press. Olympia fire and rescue responded to a multiple car accident on I5 last night. Rumor is one of the cars totaled in the accident belonged to a Tacoma City council member and was impounded. An ambulance transported a 'Marty Campbell' to the hospital where he may be kept overnight. Alcohol may have been a factor."

Not seeing anything on local news feeds, I steamed over to facebook and interrogated Marty's "Wall" for confirmation.  Marty, an anonymous email has accused you of being killed, do you deny these charges? Nothing. I then turned to my contacts in the main-stream press. Could I trust them? The email didn't seem to think so. I wanted to test that hypothesis.  Did you hear that Marty Campbell was impounded by  Olympia Fire Fighters, and his car taken to the hospital in a DUI?   Crickets.  It was true.  The press WAS keeping this information quiet.

After what seemed like an eternity... maybe a couple of hours came this post on the crash via the News Tribune.  

  1. Marty Campbell, David Boe, AND Joe Lonergan carpooling
  2. Goin' to Olympia for a "thing"
  3. Hit and Run driver
  4. Prius completely totaled
  5. Hospitals
  6. Survived by accident?
Immediately my mind ignited with conspiracy theories.  Who would want these people killed?  What is the motive?  Could it have been a corporate contract hit by Clear Channel Outdoor president Olivia Lippens?  No, corporations aren't that creative... Besides they're busy killing a whole planet, why bother on the individual level?  Ah ha!  Individual level!  Now we're talking REVENGE. But who?  Who has suffered a recent humiliation so extreme they'd resort to homicidal vehicular assault... aka ROAD RAGE?  I knew who.  I'd watched it on Tee Vee Tacoma--channel 12--during the final selection vote of the Tacoma City Council City Manager Search!  I'd witnessed REY ARELLANO give the council the most unpleasant EVIL-EYE ever broadcast in TeeVee Tacoma history! As each city council person rattled off the reasons for their city manager pick I could see the burning-fists-clenching-round-bloodied-icicle in REY's eyes.  For Example: "Blah blah I think trust is most important virtue... I want somebody I can trust and somebody who is excited to be working here, somebody who doesn't make me feel uncomfortable in the shower blah blah"  The poor bastard. 

Motive: JUST Look at this mess!  Oh and look, no biggie

but then, right as I was about to blow the lid off this whole caper... 


previously on the Tacomic


by JesseHillFan on 1/17/2012 @ 2:32am
Hey I saw those occupy tents down next to the Washington State Historical Museum.Didn't see  any of them outside (occupy Tacoma people) when I first got there (who could blame them at that time-fierce weather).The MLK event at the WSHM was wildly successful even with the fierce weather (I went there by Pierce Transit) starting at around 11:00 AM almost a blizzard,wind and very very cold too.My neighbor and his friend (whose stepfather was an actual WW2 combat Tuskegee Airman couldn't go- weather too fierce for them I guess).Some other MLK events were cancelled from what I've heard.I had an excellent time/experience there. At around 5 pm the weather wasn't bad though (wet).I have to tell you it's the first time in 10 years that I have been in downtown Tacoma (no kidding).In some ways I either miss the older DT Tacoma with the hookers/drunks/bums/dilapidated buildings or the much older Tacoma when Union Station was an actual  train station where one could get a train ride say to Centralia on an old choo choo train or see their favorite James Bond movie with Sean Connery in a downtown theater (which was free (no cost) for me and my brothers) or shopping with mom at the downtown Sears and Woolworth (dime) stores.I guess Tacoma has grown up.As for the auto wreck with the councilmen well they can't blame it on poor old incarcerated Robert Jesse Hill."Alcohol may have been a factor" what's up with that ?

If one is trying to do someone in it's best to mitigate culpability not the "Anyone who has ever watched The Godfather, Goodfellas, or The Sopranos know that sometimes cars just blow up. It just happens" way which would attract LE attention but just the unfortunate it's just a tragic traffic accident way.Besides penalties for vehicular "accidents" even with extremely bad outcomes (dead pedestrians,cyclists,other motorists) are a minor offense even with the heftier but rare vehicular homicide convictions.At worst just a couple of years in prison and that's only if bad intent is proven (prove it,PROVE IT!).Oops my foot slipped and I floored the accelerator.What was that bump.Never Mind I'll be on my way.Ha Ha indeed.If you're going to kill don't be stupid and use a gun which could get you life in prison be smart and use a car (or truck).Your insurance rates might go up a little bit though for each "accident".
Great Tacomic RR.

by NineInchNachos on 1/17/2012 @ 8:07am
Thanks JHF!  The Dome MLK event was fun. Good singing + dancing.  The keynote speaker seemed a little crazed to me, but in all the whole event was enjoyable.  Stay safe on those icy streets!

by NineInchNachos on 1/17/2012 @ 9:01am
adam the alien's full blog post

by Jesse on 1/17/2012 @ 6:07pm
I'm glad everyone is ok.

by NineInchNachos on 1/17/2012 @ 6:55pm
Valuable life lesson from Star Trek:  Never put all your ranking officers in one shuttle craft.

by fredo on 1/17/2012 @ 7:14pm
The trouble with tribbles

by NineInchNachos on 1/17/2012 @ 8:04pm
reminder about public safety (watching the 6th ave jazzbones shooting chatter on twitter): 
Defend yourself with one of these hand-printed crime deterrent t-shirts!

by GrandmaInTacoma on 1/28/2012 @ 11:20am
The Poles would remind you of the same thing re: aircraft.