SCATS


SCATS was drawn in under an hour this week

posted Aug 12, 2010
Sallow Cyclists in an Arctic Territory Storm
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Given any noble intentions to shield any future kids I have from swears I'm pretty sure I'll fail.

What general policy is best? Keep it rated "G" 'til they're in their teens? If that's the case I'd just imagine they'll learn all the bad words from kids that grew up under a bridge somewhere and end up convincing them that sniffing aerosol fumes from a paper bag is a good idea. Or from film or TV wherein they might get the idea that four letter words can actually make them cooler until they start using them at a young age and can't kick the habit no matter how many patches they stick on their arms or what kind of gum they chew and it'll eventually rot their lungs from the inside and send them to an early death bed where they'll wish, just wish, they'd never taken that first puff of a cigarette.

Wait, maybe not. Anyway...

I think just as with the birds and the bees, foul language should be a honor bestowed upon a child by their parents. There can always be too much of a good thing so I'd still definitely preach moderation but, just like any weapon, even of the verbal type, one must learn to wield them responsibly. For your own guidance, here is a templated conversation* that might help you better handle the subject when it comes up:

"Daddy, where do cuss words come from?"

"Well [insert name here], sometimes when mommies and daddies are together they may look like they're 'fighting'. They are. Each may have various positions they prefer like the "toilet seat" or the "empty the dishwasher" but neither is ever really right. I'm always right. That being the case, you may see parts of mommy that you should avoid seeing in girls until hopefully well into your 40's. You remember that Star Wars movie with Luke and R2D2?"

"Yeah!"

"And that bad guy that always wears black? So, mommy may dig deep into her dark side from which may come a words the likes of may only be used certain times of the month."

"So, bad words come from mommies?"

"They sure do, yup. Sometimes daddies have to use them too but it's only ever for self-defense. Or when someone is camping the base and takes him out right when he re-spawns. You can call those guys j-holes or f'ing campers."

"Thanks dad, I love you. You're the greatest!"

(give [insert name here] a hug) "You're damn right."
K^F


* K^F is not himself a father nor should his advice be taken as to being from a "fatherly" perspective. Any illusions of fatherhood when related to K^F are patently false especially if those involve someone like "Steve Holt!" suddenly showing up claiming their K^F's long lost son. The above templated conversation should never actually be used nor copy and pasted nor quoted in any form because K^F has a tendency of making stuff up. K^F takes no actual responsibility for use of the aforementioned template and hopes that if it's used and gets you in trouble you'll opt for socking him in the stomach and not the face. He needs that for dating.

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